The mind is a powerful tool

I have slowly started to meditate again. First it started with five minutes here, five minutes there. A body scan in the afternoon to check in with myself. I worked my way back up to 20 minutes. Sometimes I was so agitated I continuously opened my eyes to see if the time was up yet. I tried not to beat myself up for what I considered a "bad" meditation and accepted that obviously I was a bit agitated that day and then it was up to me to look at why that was. Other times, I felt myself slowly bringing myself to the exact present. In these moments I never want my meditation to end. My mind is quiet and clear. A sense of calm and happiness comes over me. I can feel my palms on my knees, the blood coursing through my veins, the birds tweeting outside my window. I can feel the coldness of my fingers and toes. An itch surfaces on my skin and instead of finding myself struggling with not scratching I can investigate how it feels and how it appears and disappears just as fast as it came.

Meditation is a wonderful thing to engage in. Although for this morning it definitely brought out some intense emotions and frustrations. Everything is relatively going well in my life. After a rough period of depression I feel like the turbulent storm has calmed a bit and I can see a bit more still waters lately. I tried to sit for longer this morning. I recently obtained a meditation CD and thus I sat down with someone's voice in the background telling me to "relax." Considering that my eye is twitching now...I don't think it helped hahah. I sat for 40 minutes this morning. Not a particularly long time to sit, but for someone struggling with their mind on any particular day, it can seem like eternity. Any uncomfortable twinge that occurred in my back sent me into squirming around trying to get rid of it and cracking my back a million times in the process.

I tried a couple of times to let the uncomfortable sensations arise and ask myself why I needed to move? Why is it that when some unsettling sensation comes up in me I immediately feel as though I have to take action? I am sure I am not alone in this habit. Whenever we feel something is amiss or not right we engage in all sorts of weird actions to counteract the unsettling emotion/sensation/feeling/thought. We gorge ourselves with food, we over drink, we call a friend and gossip. The hardest task I think is facing our demons and being alright with them. Letting them sit there and linger instead of feeling as though they are "bad." My task for the day is to sit with all the uncomfortable sensations and thoughts that came up this morning and knowing today is still going to be a good day. How are you going to face your demons today?