I've been somewhat.... Pensive? Irritated? I don't know...insert word here....about love lately. Ruminating over loves past, thinking about love for the future, wondering why love is so important. Love is a huge topic of conversation in our society, but it is never really about self love it is more about love between two people (not the individual). I don't know why we rush straight from relationship to relationship; never taking time to process the last but constantly needing that connection and to feel wanted and appreciated instead of learning to feel connection and appreciation from ourself.
I find the whole concept of dating kind of strange. Its like an interview. You have to dress up and look your best and say all the things that show you in the best light. There are rules and etiquette and ultimately you know that first impressions mean everything so you try to make your first impression a positive one. Then there is the waiting period afterward of wondering if they will call or not (even if you don't want them to call you still wonder if they will to see if you both were on the same page or if one was apparently feeling more than the other). Honestly, why do we put ourselves through this?
Personally, I go out on dates as of right now because I'm bored. Im not necessarily looking for anything because I know I am still working on loving myself exactly the way I am first. I find the cultivation of my own self love comes before the need of having someone else love me. Now, I could say that this is a cop out. That if the right person came along of course I wouldn't let them get away, but I also believe because I don't really want a serious relationship in my life right now, I'm also not drawing it to me and I'm not putting positive energy out there in the world to receive what I know is out there.
So what to take away from these dating experiences: I sometimes get into interesting conversations, I clarify more and more what I am looking for not just in a partner but in life as well, it is something entertaining to do. I suppose for all you singles out there, take dating with a grain of salt, even when we really like someone, if they didn't like you, welp there will always be another and another.
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The paradox of what you are describing is something I have been thinking about lately. I am still learning to love myself- do I need to heal that COMPLETELY before I'm ready to accept MORE love into my life? No.. probably not. But what point does it need to get to where I can accurately assess if I am ready to be even more open to love?
ReplyDeleteIn my dedication to self-discovery I have attracted and created very wonderful and increasingly loving friendships but the world of intimate relationships seems like it has moved into the distance a little bit.
I know for sure when I am ready to participate in that way that the experience is going to be so fresh that it will help me navigate the experience better than ever before!
Shannon