Life surely speeds up when you start focusing on the present moment and stepping away from the computer. I had my first weekend of classes at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition last weekend. Needless to say, I feel inspired and filled with a whole new sense of purpose and direction. It also made me realize how ready I am to go back to Grad School and be a student again. Isn't it interesting how the smallest events can change our whole perspective on life? My emotional ups and downs have been more frequent lately, but I am handling them better as I have the tools to know what to do now and am trying more and more every day to use them.
I feel as though this has been a highly emotional time because I'm finally getting what I want. Now you may ask, "excuse me, why would that make your life more complicated?" Well, for the past several months all I have been asking for is to be surrounded by people again and to have the opportunity to make new friends. Last weekend, I was in an entire room filled with healthy conscious people who understood me and I left the weekend finally feeling re-connected to a community. When I came back home it was like a shock to my system....o yah you still have your life here too where I am lacking that social network to feel whole.
Two points to bring up that I learned from these feelings: 1. One can eat the right things, have a great job, exercise and still be miserable because feeling connected to something greater, being supported by people or a community (like in yoga its called sangha, in religions you go to a temple or church) helps us feel complete. We all innately want to help each other, connect with each other, and know we're not alone in our journeys while we are here on this earth. To be understood by someone else is a gift, so if you have that in your life right now, count your blessings.
2. I realized that I have been asking for something for so long that once I finally got it I didn't prepare myself to enjoy it. I kept asking for the same thing; to have friends and connections and I was still focusing on the loneliness I had been feeling when that feeling was and is no longer there. Sometimes when we get what we want, we automatically believe we don't deserve it. Or that if we actually embrace that the universe heard our cries that it might be taken away. When did we start to believe that we didn't deserve everything we want and ask for? We have the right to be happy and know in our heads and our hearts that we deserve that happiness.
A note to all those who are still struggling to get what they want: life will deliver, keep trying and be patient (easier said than done I know). Even though what you want isn't right in front of your eyes (or maybe it is and you're not ready to take hold of the opportunity yet) what you want is out there, just trust in that. And while you're waiting... don't dwell on what is not in your life, instead be thankful for what you do have right here right now.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Winter blues
I'm ready for spring. I'm ready for warmer weather, and no winter coat, and when I see the sun shining it is actually warm outside instead of deceptively frigid cold. I have this love/hate relationship with winter. I don't want to live without it because I find it a necessary cycle in our seasons and snow can be a beautiful thing (nothing like being cozy next to a fire while the snow is falling outside- picturesque right?). But, at the same time, I'm an outdoorsy type of girl (something I have only come to realize in the past couple of years) and walking outside aimlessly is one of my favorite things to do. Bundling up with my winter coat, hat, gloves, scarf, and stepping outside for a walk when its cold just doesn't bring the same satisfaction than stepping outside without any coat and feeling the warm sun on my skin.
Honestly, I think I'm just ready for any change and the weather is the one thing every one can talk about and focus on. Think about it...whats the one thing everyone kicks off a conversation with? There are two choices: either, How are you? or Have you noticed how crazy this weather is? It makes me laugh. I wish people would just jump right to the point sometimes. I often start my conversations with my close friends as if we had already been talking for awhile. What is the point of talking about the weather when I called you to talk about something entirely different? I'm rambling. Back to the point.
I need a change and I know one is coming up. Well several actually. I am starting class to become a health counselor finally after waiting months for the in person classes to start. This means new people, new situations, trips to the city-which could mean a whole slew of new adventures and of course me getting lost inevitably. I'm completely aware of this change coming up and instead of focusing on my excitement I keep focusing on how I'm ready for change, which doesn't help at all. Do you find yourself doing that? Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation instead of being hopeful and zeroing in on the positive.
Experiment for the day: Whenever a negative thought or bodily tension comes up, instead of fighting it, explore it, ask it questions, and then find what you can learn from it. I realize I may be frustrated with my status quo as of right now, but 1. we can always count on change, and 2. there is something to learn from every single situation, we only have to search for the lesson.
Honestly, I think I'm just ready for any change and the weather is the one thing every one can talk about and focus on. Think about it...whats the one thing everyone kicks off a conversation with? There are two choices: either, How are you? or Have you noticed how crazy this weather is? It makes me laugh. I wish people would just jump right to the point sometimes. I often start my conversations with my close friends as if we had already been talking for awhile. What is the point of talking about the weather when I called you to talk about something entirely different? I'm rambling. Back to the point.
I need a change and I know one is coming up. Well several actually. I am starting class to become a health counselor finally after waiting months for the in person classes to start. This means new people, new situations, trips to the city-which could mean a whole slew of new adventures and of course me getting lost inevitably. I'm completely aware of this change coming up and instead of focusing on my excitement I keep focusing on how I'm ready for change, which doesn't help at all. Do you find yourself doing that? Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation instead of being hopeful and zeroing in on the positive.
Experiment for the day: Whenever a negative thought or bodily tension comes up, instead of fighting it, explore it, ask it questions, and then find what you can learn from it. I realize I may be frustrated with my status quo as of right now, but 1. we can always count on change, and 2. there is something to learn from every single situation, we only have to search for the lesson.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Patience, patience, patience
Hi my name is Stephanie and I have a problem....haha
Patience has never been my strong suit for myself. I want what I want when I want it and most of the time I don't know what I want, but as soon as I figure it out, I want it right now. It is funny how one can cultivate so much patience with other people: patience in listening, in responding, patience in check out lines, patience with driving, but when it comes to my own life and my own wants.... patience goes out the window.
I have become more and more aware of this lately as it is starting to make some changes and effects in my life. I am starting to try and replace what I actually want with something else (ie exercise, food, etc.). This still doesn't give me what I want, but just creates more disharmony within myself because I am covering up my emotions instead of sitting and dealing with them. It is a hard thing to do to actually slow down when we don't feel entirely ourselves and ask why do I feel this way? Instead, we want to cover up, we want it to go away, and we'll do anything to feel differently.
Every now and then it is perfectly healthy to just check out for a little while, but I have found there are constructive ways to "check out" and destructive ways. Over-eating: destructive, Over-exercising: destructive. Meditation: constructive, Writing: constructive, Talking: constructive. Its an interesting paradox to know all these ways to cope with intense emotions and yet not always use them.
Do you ever find when you are in a highly intense emotional state that you forget to breathe, or think straight? Your whole body is engaged in the repetitive negative thoughts circling in your head as you go deeper into the emotional depths of your feelings and your body becomes more and more rigid. In this state most people will do anything to just get out of the loop. To sit with ourselves in this state is hard and sometimes unbearable (mostly because even when we realize why we feel this way, we also have to come to terms that there might not be anything we can do in the present moment to remedy the problem). I find myself going in and out of mindfulness when my brain goes to the depths of my emotions. I'm not patient with myself here. I have no compassion and I just want the feelings to go away.
This is a way I have been for a long time, but I didn't deal with my emotions well as a child and as I grew up I just learned how to numb myself so I still didn't have to deal with them. Now older, and hopefully wiser, I have been on the journey of sitting with myself for a couple of years now. Sometimes its not pretty, sometimes its not fun, sometimes I cry, and sometimes I engage in actions that don't help but hurt me. Yet, despite how hard this may be, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I feel so much gratitude for my life my heart swells, sometimes I shed tears out of pure happiness. To every situation there is both the dark cloud and the sun peaking through somewhere.
When you go through intense periods like this, remember perspective, remember that this too shall pass, and whatever actions you engaged in, never feel regret. Each situation helps us to grow wiser and learn what we need to become more compassionate human beings. Cultivate patience for your own personal journey.
Patience has never been my strong suit for myself. I want what I want when I want it and most of the time I don't know what I want, but as soon as I figure it out, I want it right now. It is funny how one can cultivate so much patience with other people: patience in listening, in responding, patience in check out lines, patience with driving, but when it comes to my own life and my own wants.... patience goes out the window.
I have become more and more aware of this lately as it is starting to make some changes and effects in my life. I am starting to try and replace what I actually want with something else (ie exercise, food, etc.). This still doesn't give me what I want, but just creates more disharmony within myself because I am covering up my emotions instead of sitting and dealing with them. It is a hard thing to do to actually slow down when we don't feel entirely ourselves and ask why do I feel this way? Instead, we want to cover up, we want it to go away, and we'll do anything to feel differently.
Every now and then it is perfectly healthy to just check out for a little while, but I have found there are constructive ways to "check out" and destructive ways. Over-eating: destructive, Over-exercising: destructive. Meditation: constructive, Writing: constructive, Talking: constructive. Its an interesting paradox to know all these ways to cope with intense emotions and yet not always use them.
Do you ever find when you are in a highly intense emotional state that you forget to breathe, or think straight? Your whole body is engaged in the repetitive negative thoughts circling in your head as you go deeper into the emotional depths of your feelings and your body becomes more and more rigid. In this state most people will do anything to just get out of the loop. To sit with ourselves in this state is hard and sometimes unbearable (mostly because even when we realize why we feel this way, we also have to come to terms that there might not be anything we can do in the present moment to remedy the problem). I find myself going in and out of mindfulness when my brain goes to the depths of my emotions. I'm not patient with myself here. I have no compassion and I just want the feelings to go away.
This is a way I have been for a long time, but I didn't deal with my emotions well as a child and as I grew up I just learned how to numb myself so I still didn't have to deal with them. Now older, and hopefully wiser, I have been on the journey of sitting with myself for a couple of years now. Sometimes its not pretty, sometimes its not fun, sometimes I cry, and sometimes I engage in actions that don't help but hurt me. Yet, despite how hard this may be, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I feel so much gratitude for my life my heart swells, sometimes I shed tears out of pure happiness. To every situation there is both the dark cloud and the sun peaking through somewhere.
When you go through intense periods like this, remember perspective, remember that this too shall pass, and whatever actions you engaged in, never feel regret. Each situation helps us to grow wiser and learn what we need to become more compassionate human beings. Cultivate patience for your own personal journey.
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