It had been maybe three days since I've cried from everything that has occurred over the past couple of weeks, so ultimately, of course, it was time to let down my walls and see how I was really doing on the inside...tears immediately followed haha. I don't fear the pain. I don't think it is a bad thing to really feel through everything that that has happened to me over the past couple of years. I have been one of those people to go go go all the time without taking a break and even now when I get the chance to slow down and reassess everything I am still having a hard time doing that. I feel like there is this great pressure to decide what is the "right" path for me right now instead of letting it unfold before me....or maybe I was on the right path and I was too scared to keep going.
Like every other American I tend to doubt my decision making abilities...but why? I mean they say the only thing to fear is fear itself. I suppose time is of the essence and only time will tell what is meant to be....but why is it so hard to allow ourselves the time to let things be?
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I think we have been conditioned to just suck it up and move on. Not realizing that healing is important. If we don't give ourselves the time we need to heal, rest, rejuvinate etc., we move forward incomplete, in my opinion. Everything from then on is going to be incomplete.
ReplyDeleteGranted we can also analyze things to death to the point where we go no where, but I think there is a fine balance between spending time analyzing self and spending time putting ourselves into action. Hopefully that makes sense. I am going through some very similar things. Doubting myself, my decisions, and sometimes even my abilities. Thinking I have to go with plan B because plan A isn't possible. I am beginning to realize it's not the plan that is impossible it's my own self not allowing myself the time to consider everything. In part because I was just go go go all the time without taking a step back to really see how I was doing. We owe ourselves as much consideration and attention as we do our jobs, families, etc.
I try not to view a path as the right one or wrong one. I am in the NOW, always on the right path. Not in the sense of something predestined, but no matter what I'm doing if I allow myself to recognize it for what it is and use it as a growth experience, then I am doing the right thing. I and the path - all it's twists and turns - are one. :)
Ok ramble ramble ramble. :) Just know you aren't alone. :)