Almost New Years

It was strangely beautiful, gorgeous, warm weather yesterday at the end of December (wave hello to globing warming) and so before meeting up with a long time best friend, I took a walk in the woods.  Good thing I was wearing boots because it didn't even cross my mind that melted snow and dirty woods would mean a lot of mud...luckily I did not fall and get a face full of gooey earth goodness.  Anyways,  as soon as I take time for myself these days my brain goes into over drive.  Its like, "O it is quiet time and you aren't distracting yourself with those books of yours or the computer so now its my turn for you to listen to me!"  Anyone else experience this when they finally slow down?  All of a sudden there are a million personal things/thoughts that weren't on the top priority list that come to the surface.

I thought a lot about this past year, playing situations and events over and over in my head.  It became like a bad record.  For the first time though I used the skills I have been learning lately to question why I am stuck on this repetitive thought.  Surprisingly, I knew the answer.  I wanted to change past events, to go the way I wish they would have gone, to perhaps cause myself and others less pain through the process of past situations.  It is funny what our minds think they can do.  I mean I know the mind is a powerful thing, but unfortunately it does not have the capacity to travel back in time and fix that which we think "went wrong."  So what to do now?

Alright, I have confronted the fact that I'm still holding on to my past and that I have this notion in my head that maybe if I could fix what happened that I could be a more worthy individual of affection.  This was key to realize.  I think we all get stuck on things because our egos get in the way or our lack of self confidence and needing that extra boost.  Ultimately, no matter what I think and no matter what has happened my self worth never changes.  This is something we all need to remember.  No matter what actions you engage in, no matter what people cross your path, you are still worthy of everything beautiful and good that this world has to give.  So let go for today.  Let bygones be bygones.  Embrace all of your past because it is what makes you, you and breath into the present.