Just a little while...

Suppose a man were wounded by an arrow, and when the surgeon arrived, he said to him, "Don't pull out this arrow until I know who shot it, what tree it comes from, who made it, and what kind of bow was used." Certainly the man would die before he discovered the answers. In the same way, if you say you will not be a monk unless I solve all the questions of the world, you are likely to die unsatisfied. - Majjhima Nikaya I know I know....don't yell at me...its been awhile. I haven't been a faithful writer have I? But, I will say that it is probably a good thing because that means that I am being more present in my life and moving away from my computer, even if that is not fair to you. So what happens in the life of a walking talking contradiction for a whole month? The quote above really describes exactly what I have been going through. I have been trying to find the "perfect" path, the "perfect" career, the "ideal" way of life for myself. It doesn't exist. Well it does and it doesn't hah. It only exists in our mind. If we believe we are living the perfect life, then we are, but we are only living the perfect life in the contexts of our self, which to be honest is the only context that matters for each individual. Every career or path I thought of I would tell myself I wasn't ready or I couldn't handle it or there was more I would need to learn. But, ultimately, as the quote above states, if we keep putting our dreams and goals off for fear of not knowing enough then we will never aspire or achieve anything. Plus, we learn and become wise by doing. You have to ride a bike and fall to be a master at staying on a bike with steadiness. You have to speak in front of people and mess up your words to become more articulate. We as human beings are doers and with all the messages and media around us it is so easy these days to get stuck in our heads. Negative thoughts and put downs are never helpful. Although, I will be my own devil's advocate and say that sometimes negative actions will help us catch ourselves when what we are doing is not in alignment with what is healthiest for ourselves. A food binge can be a trigger to tell us that something in our life is not right. We deprive ourselves of affection, love, communication, and expression because some where along the way we are told we are not good enough just the way we are (or we never got that message to begin with). Well for today embrace you. Every tiny little thing about yourself. Love yourself. Go ahead, give yourself a big hug right now, because you are a perfect being right here right now, just the way you are.