My brother got married this weekend. It brought a lot up for me. A lot of thoughts about life, about love, about what is important. Your brother getting married is a big deal and I didn't feel anything....I mean nothing at all...until the night before. Last night I lay in bed and thought about my brother's relationship with his now wife. They have been the best role model of a healthy relationship that I have seen yet. That you can fight and bicker with your loved one, you can get upset and the love is still there. That a healthy relationship is about making compromises and about bringing more light and laughter and sweetness into the other person's life. I lay in bed and I started to cry. My brother and his wife have been there for me in the past year endlessly. My brother in general has stuck up for me countless times over my life: for example at my senior prom when my own divorced parents were bickering at each other and I was about to burst into tears he pulled me aside and told me how beautiful I looked and not to let anyone ruin this day for me or make me feel any less special than I am. This is the type of man everyone deserves in their life, that when the tough gets going, they are there to give you some extra strength and make you remember the bigger picture.
As of late, I finally feel as though I have been coming home to myself. Remembering that all the suffering that I deemed as so important is rather small in the bigger picture. My legs work, my body parts function, I can see, hear, read, talk, understand, explain, I don't have cancer, I'm not dying....I get to live each day with spirit and determination to fill this world with something better...to be of assistance to others to help them through pain that I have known so well. The question I have for tonight is....if you out there are like me and are destined to be of assistance to others, that you feel it is your calling, then who do you belong with? If everyone is someone you can help.....then who can help you? Who can be your match? And will you be able to recognize it when it comes along? And when it does come along....is it right timing? Why is everything about timing? If something is so clear, if you understand that you are on a spiritual plane or have a connection with someone that is so strong, but it is wrong timing what do you do with that? How long are you supposed to "wait" for it to be the "right" time?
And going in the complete opposite direction, why is it that love and finding our "match" is the ultimate pursuit in our country? Or for that matter every country. Finding someone to love, according to research, makes our life span longer, we are healthier, and we thrive more as human beings. What is it about love that transforms us, that changes us? I have talked to a lot of people about their past relationships and each time they are more clear about "what they are looking for." Most of the time people just gloss over this minor change that has occurred within themselves, but I say take notice. You have now just made alterations in your brain to sniff out what you deem as "the right person for you." And how do we make these choices? Is it intuition? And where does intuition come from? Do we match people up by the parents we had or the siblings we grew up with? Trying to simulate in another person the relationship we already are familiar with? Is that all love is? I'm beginning to babble aren't I? Anyways, some questions to put out into the universe for which I would love some feedback....
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Im not sure its love that everyone is searching for per se, I think it is companionsship, having someone there to share things with, and know that they understand you even when you dont completely make sense. I find that while flatting or with family, I dont feel the need for a partner (im single), because the companionship and person to share things with is there. But if im by myself for a week or so, thats when i start to think that maybe I should put some effort into finding someone, and I feel like someone is missing. And Ive heard that apparently we do try to match up, girls apparently go for guys that are similar to their dads and guys go for girls who are like their mothers. My high school science teacher gave us some theory about being attracted to people with an opposite immune sysem to your own, so pass on wider variety of genes to offspring, and we detect this subconsciously by scent. His theory is that there are so many divorces these days because everone wears deodorant, so its not till your married etc that you smell the real them and start to realise its not the right immune system, and fall out of love.
ReplyDeleteInteresting point about divorce due to scent. It's not actually the deodorant, though. In truth, it is because of birth control. When a woman is on birth control, the pills trick the body into thinking it is pregnant. A pregnant woman in general has a different scent because biologically she is no longer looking for a mate, so the pheremones change. The problem, is that once you get married and think about kids, the woman no longer takes the pill, and voila, that scent that the man thought was attractive has now changed.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could quote a text, but unfortunately I don't know where this is from. My parents are marriage and family therapists, and they see this sort of thing all of the time.