Gracious Gratitude

I forget how lucky I am.  That I have such a wonderfully supportive family, that I have my health and all my body parts work, that I have an amazingly evolving functional brain.

This remembered inner gratitude came from a series of events that all happened yesterday.  First my dad came to visit and I don't see my father very often as my parents are divorced (and have been for quite some time) and he lives rather far away.  It has also taken me awhile to accept my parents for who they are and embrace and love them for all their quirks.  But, now that I am older and have more of a sense of myself I find myself being able to laugh at the things I used to get embarrassed about.  My parents ultimately are very funny people.  For instance, they both like to strike up conversations with complete strangers where ever they go.  This used to drive me crazy when I was a kid because as a teenager you want to slip into the crowd and "belong" not stand out as my parents seemed to do where ever we went.  Now I see it as a sense of maturity and adventure and kindliness in my parents.  It is interesting how our perspectives can change so drastically depending upon where we are in our lives.

Anyways, I digress....I took my father to a two hour workshop which consisted of one hour of meditation and one hour of yoga and he doesn't exactly practice yoga.  Every now and then I'd look over and fix his legs, but I felt so lucky to be able to practice next my dad and that he was the adventurous type to plunge into something that he really does not know much about.  Next, was the meditation.  The final meditation of the class was a half hour long and I plunged deep within in my soul as the teacher asked us to see what was inside of us.  I saw a scared, fearful, girl who was clutching on to control as hard as she could to keep herself together.  I told her to let go.  I just kept telling myself let go until the tears started to make pools underneath my eyelids.

I tried to let go of the inner pain I carry around with me from past hurt, I tried to let go of control of my world and how fragile I find things to be, I tried to let go of the fear of just living my life, I tried to let go of the judgement I constantly go through from myself on a regular basis.  I felt my body and my spine relax as if my whole body is carrying this weight around with me.  I opened to the gratitude within myself that I am a resilient, strong human being who can get through anything and is lucky to have all that she has.  The day concluded with going out to dinner and a movie with my dad.  In the middle of the movie he reached out and patted my head and in that moment I experienced true love radiate from him to me. I am truly blessed.

I have felt so utterly alone lately and yesterday reminded me that I not only have the love of myself, but I have the love of my family and even though I am not always around them or able to see their love, it is always there, I just have to tap into.  We are all loved by someone, somewhere.  Try not to forget this.  In addition, our own self love is the most powerful love we can give to ourselves.  Cultivate the relationship you have with yourself.