Tone of voice

I've always struggled with my tone of voice and it has got me thinking about how our words can be misconstrued by the way we say them. A lot of the time my words come out a lot stronger (even with a hint of sarcasm or anger in them) when I'm trying to say something constructive or just how I am feeling in the moment (although talking about my feelings is probably one of my least favorite things to do). Lately I have been around people who are so calm and even toned that anything they say you want to listen to them; even when they are giving constructive criticism. This might be because the way they are giving their words is with such gentleness that one is able to be receptive to anything that is being said. I wish I was one of those people, but I find myself constantly coming across stronger than I mean to.

This occurs more often since I am living with my mother. I know mother daughter relationships are completely different than any other relationship a daughter will have the rest of their lives, but its like I am constantly being shown the things I need to work on. She is the hardest mirror to have in front of me all the time and thus I get angry at her when she isn't necessarily doing anything bad or hurtful but my reaction to her actions show me the flaws I am working on and thus instead of accepting this with humbleness I get agitated.

Isn't interesting how worked up we get when our flaws are revealed to ourselves? Right away my ego goes into protective mode and my walls go up and I either stop talking (I lack in the communication area at times of frustration) or I lash out and say things in a brutal tone of voice. I know intellectually that my words would be more accepted and listened to by those around me if I said how I felt in a calm manner, but sometimes I just get so worked up all I want to do is yell, even when I know that won't solve anything. I suppose working with tone of voice comes with age, but I feel as though the sooner I master this, the more I will be able to clearly articulate myself and have healthier communications with others.

What do you find yourself working on and how do others help you through this process of revealing your flaws?