Mom's couch

I'm 23 years old and here I am back in my mother's house on my favorite couch, sleeping in my old bed, and driving around the streets where I grew up. Now I could cry a lot (which I did) and say, "wow I totally did not expect my life to end up back here." (which I did say), but ultimately I know that whatever is suppose to happen to me now will happen. It is amazing that we can make a snap decision and change our entire life's plan in an instant. I was supposed to go to Grad School to become a therapist, but after spending this past year working in social services and getting really depressed because I worked with at-risk and homeless youth and sometimes I was so drained by the end of the day I just wanted to stare at a wall and not think or do anything....where was I going with this sentence? O right, well I knew social services may not be the best career for me if it stops me from living my life because it is that draining.

I didn't realize this though until after I had sent 9 boxes out to Boulder, CO, packed up my entire car, found an apartment and a roommate, got a loan for school, paid for health insurance, and started to drive to Rochester for the first leg of my trip. I was mostly preoccupied with trying to make my relationship work and pretending I didn't have to leave the greatest place on earth (Burlington, VT). But there I was on the road on the phone crying (don't worry I had my ear piece in so I could cry and drive safely hah) to my mother how this didn't feel like the right next step anymore. By the time I got to my father's house, I sat down with him and explained my dilemma and I swear I have the best parents in the world (even if they are divorced, but we can go over the fun affects of divorce later) and they both supported me in my decision to not go to school anymore.

Within the next 24 hours, I deferred my acceptance, canceled the loan, got my boxes sent back to me, changed my mailing address once again, got the health insurance payment refunded, and began to look for a new roommate for my roommate. I spent the last two weeks kind of in a haze over the actions I just quickly had decided upon and thinking, "Crap, what the hell do I do now." I spend my days laughing at my sunny disposition, looking for jobs, and looking at grad schools to try and find what feels like the right path for me. I'm getting incredibly bored.............being in my home town reminds me of all the stupid things I did when I was a teenager and how here I am supposedly becoming an adult and I'm still making stupid rash decisions...do we ever really grow up? Any suggestions on exciting ways to fill my time would be appreciated...actually very welcomed into my life as I'll do anything to get out of the house (especially since the crying is slowly subsiding). So here I am on my mom's couch for now.