Pain is a funny feeling. It just kind of sits there in the pit of your stomach and the middle of your heart and all you can do is cry. I just got out of my first relationship in which I fell in love. Was it perfect...no...but it was mine imperfect relationship. That whole grace period afterward that you can't talk to one another because you both need "space" confuses me. Maybe its because I come from parents who are divorced and I've watched how they can't even communicate anymore and I just don't understand. What happened to all that time that two people spend together. Sure things may end poorly because break-ups are never easy and its rarely mutual, but what about all the smiles, all the laughs, all the good times that two people shared. Why is it that those get tossed aside because all of a sudden the two people realize they aren't meant for each other. I hate this grace period. I wish we could just switch over to the friends part right away without all the pain.
I believe that after a month into any relationship it should be a rule that the two people sit down and say, "alright we've made it a month, woohoo for us! Now if this turns out to not be what we both are looking for any time in the future we have to promise each other that we will still give each other the respect that human beings deserve and say goodbye on good terms." I swear it should be written in the constitution that this must be done. I have seen so many of my friends go through horrible break ups where their significant other who used to be so kind and so sweet and turn into some one mean just because there has to be a break-up. Why is that? Are we protecting our egos? Suddenly all the good things we saw in the other person turn into negative qualities because if we didn't do this we would have to face the facts, which could be: this person was a wonderful person and just was all wrong for me romantically.
It is hard to think of someone and know how wonderful they are and realize that in a relationship way the two of you just don't click (at least in that point in time). And that comes the conundrum that if two people fit together at the beginning of a relationship and suddenly later don't fit anymore...could they in the future fit again? Or did their paths cross at a time because that is what the two people needed at the time and don't need anymore? I'm confused and befuzzled over the whole concept of relationships now and if they can hurt this much, why do we keep getting into them again and again trying to find the one person who "completes us." Why can't we just complete ourselves? Why is it that someone else can make us feel so much joy that it is truly hard to feel all on our own?
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So sorry to hear about your break up.
ReplyDeleteThis life thing is tough but ultimately it's pain that makes us grow. That's the only gem I can offer.
I believe we meet people for a reason. That reason could be to help you get over something that is distracting you, or the other person. It could be merely for friendship or it could be your life partner! The hard part is trying to determine which each person is that meet. If you can look at each person you cone across as only a friend , as if you are helping them get through something, then I think a month or two into the relationship you will know who your life partner is. I myself want every guy to be my life partner, so I too, am still learning.
ReplyDeletePain is a part of life. Without suffering one would never know compassion. I think emotional pain is normal, however as long as we don't hold on to it, it does subside, everything does.
ReplyDeleteMany people, unknowingly, hold on to pain . Even though it hurts it also provides some sense of comfort. Odd but true. I think the real comfort and freedom comes when we can allow the pain in and let something new replace it when it's time. I believe it's important to mourn, but once that period has ended (however long that may be) and the pain leaves, why allow it to debilitate you if it comes back? It's going to come back because something triggered a thought or memory that reminded you of the pain that was caused. When that happens we are foolish if we allow the pain to stay. Recognize it for what it is, don't hold on to it, and it will flow on, and something new will come.